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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27345691">The Coordinator Spouse</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_narwhals_awaken/pseuds/The_narwhals_awaken'>The_narwhals_awaken</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Cryptid Files [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who, Gallifrey (Big Finish Audio)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Princess Bride Fusion, Fire Swamp (Princess Bride), Multi, Not Beta Read, Rodents of Unusual Size - ROUS (Princess Bride)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:06:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,726</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27345691</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_narwhals_awaken/pseuds/The_narwhals_awaken</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In a small house, somewhere in London, four sick kids are being read a story.  </p><p>In a land, far away and long ago and more distant than you could comprehend and three days ago, a young man named Narvin and his love, Leela, are trying to leave their tiny village and travel to a place where their skills can be effectively used.  However, there are more forces at play here: the King, Rassilon, and his hunger to keep control; a Count, Darkel, and her wish to manipulate the world, a Former Imperiatrix, Pandora, who wishes chaos that she can reign over.  After Leela's death at the hands of the Dread Pirate Roberts and Narvin's unwilling engagement to the Crown Prince and heir, Prince Peylix, and after his subsequent kidnapping, the mysterious Woman in Black appears, throwing a wrench into many carefully laid plans.</p><p>Who is the Woman in Black?  What does she want?  And who will come out on top?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Irving Braxiatel/Romana II, Leela (Doctor Who)/Narvin (Doctor Who), Peylix/Narvin(one-sided), The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Cryptid Files [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1981387</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prolouge: Sick kiddos and Uncle Jack</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Howdy!  Figured I'd start NaNoWriMo with something relatively simple- a Princess Bride AU!  </p><p>In this one, I'm going to be basing much of it off the movie, however, place and people names will obviously be changed to a degree, and of course, Narvin is not as much dead weight as Buttercup was.  I like her, but she was pointless for much of the movie.  </p><p>Hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Four young children were curled up around each other, piling up in the middle of the queen bed.  None of them were up to much talking, merely playing a game together.  Their caretaker came into the room, checking foreheads for fevers and passing around bowls of noodle soup.  “Your Uncle Jack has come to bring you a present!”  she said.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>While none of the assembled children felt up to protesting verbally, Sarah Jane still felt the suspicion- while Jack was certainly fun, his presents were often either explosive or confiscated, as they were too much for the teens at that time.  Before any of them could work up the energy to protest, Jack spun exuberantly into the room.  “Well, hi there, kiddos!” he exclaimed.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The four looks the unimpressed teens gave him didn’t deter him, as he pulled up a cushioned chair and settled in next to the bed.  “I heard you were sick, so I figured I could take a bit of a load off of the lovely Sarah Jane here and entertain you for a bit.  What do you say to that?”  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>While none of them spoke still, the atmosphere had shifted to somewhere between skeptical and excited.  Jack’s stories were usually great, but Sarah Jane had usually censored large chunks of them, citing the fact that they were too young to hear about all that.  Instead, he held up a book, nicely bound with worn pages.  “While there’s no family history, this is the story I got from some old friends of mine- some may even be dropping by later to check in on you all.  It’s a good one, with sword fights, true love, and giant flaming rats!”  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seeing as they hadn’t anything better to do, the teens turned off their video games and settled in, ready to listen to Jack’s story.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“All right, let’s see here.  'The Coordinator Spouse', by- ah, well, that’s all scribbled out.  Chapter 1, ‘The Couple.  At first glance, Narvin wasn’t the kind of person…’”</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 1: The Couple</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>At first glance, Narvin wasn’t the kind of person that anyone would take a second glance at.  True, he was somewhat handsome, nothing that anyone could voice an objection to, but three things kept the women of the village he lived in from snatching him up.  First, he tended to keep himself to himself, more focused on his work than socializing, and thus pushing away any potential suitors.  Second, and part of that, he kept himself so sucked into his work that he frequently forgot to get enough sleep, which marked his face with deep bags under his eyes.  However, it was the third which kept people from even trying, and kept word of him local and quiet, which was what he’d prefer.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That reason was Leela, the worker on his parent’s farm.  The farm itself wasn’t much to speak of, more focused on livestock than crops- still turning a profit, but not enough to push people in that direction, and the meat wasn’t good so much as the only source within a reasonable distance.  Most of the profit came from Narvin’s skill with organizing, so that nothing was wasted and everything stretched to its fullest potential, but much of the rest of it came from the worker, Leela.  She’d joined up years ago, working for her room- a small hut halfway between the house and the barn- her food, and the village looking the other way when people asked about the savage Sevateem raiders and if any were nearby.  She’d been kicked out, but before she’d left, she’d been one of their fiercest warriors.  Now that she was hanging around Narvin, people tended to keep their thoughts on both to themselves- she was terrifying with a knife, and rumors were spreading that she’d learned to use a sword.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But either way, whether it was his lack of attention for anything, his exhaustion, or Leela’s terrifying reputation, Narvin did not get attention from the available women of the village.  A few of the men had tried, ignoring the common sense, and were either turned down in such a withering way that nobody dared do it again, or got thrown into the river if they were thick enough to ignore the warning of the tongue-lashing.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Part of the reason he disliked the attention was that he was more focused on his work, but the main reason was that he was in love with Leela.  They’d been in love for years, and had been together for most of that time.  After both of them had reached adulthood, they began making plans.  Neither really enjoyed living in the village, it was merely a place to live, and both would rather see something more exciting, and a place to use their skills to their fullest extent.  Narvin wanted to see if he could truly run something larger than a tiny farm, and Leela wanted to be able to fight something better- or at least feel like she was truly using her skills, instead of spending much of her time either stabbing fools who tried to flirt with her or throwing the idiotic sheep back into their pen.  A letter had come from some old friends, offering at least an opportunity to deal with something new, and perhaps jobs if they were indeed all that they’d seemed.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela had left to get funds for the trip- the farm’s profit was truly minimal, especially since they had to leave enough for Narvin’s parents- and to start distancing herself from the hints of marriage.  For three months, they had kept up their usual routine- writing to each other as often as letters could reach, saving as much as they could, and working to make it to their future, when news reached Narvin, and the village of Lungbarrow in general, that Leela and the caravan she’d been working with had been attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who was notorious for never leaving survivors.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After that, Narvin wasn’t ever quite the same.  He kept to himself even more, and the bags under his eyes etched themselves more deeply into place.  He kept saving, as he still wanted to get out, but it was unlikely that he’d get out for a while, as without a second income, he couldn’t save near as much or as quickly.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had just resigned himself to working there for the three years he’d need to earn money to get out, when the second piece of life-changing news hit him: the prince was seeking a spouse.  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So my updates have shifted from late to early, enjoy!  While I have stuff written, you're getting a chapter a day.</p><p>Leave a comment, let me know what you think!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 2: The Prince</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Prince Peylix was one of the best scientists in all the kingdom of Pyrdon, indeed, one of the best in all the lands of Kasterborous.  However, he was utterly uninterested in the throne he was to take.  If he applied himself to matters of state, he could certainly manage quite well, even negotiating a treaty through the Channel of Harmony with Arcal, but his interest lay in the sciences and the stars.  His father, the High King Rassilon, despaired of ever getting a reasonable heir, while his stepmother, the Lady Queen Patience, merely wished to ensure the line of succession- after her former fiance’s abandonment, she’d married up after the former queen had died, and since then she’d stabilized the kingdom, and wished for someone to pass her legacy down to.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Count Darkel came up with an idea- she’d heard rumors of a young man who could organize a terrible, failing meat farm into a consistently profitable business.  He’d make a good partner for the Prince- keeping his science organized, and thus profitable and powerful; keeping the kingdom’s strength organized, and thus placating the Queen; and staying out enough that she could take control.  Of course, when presenting the idea to the royals, she left out the last reason.  The High King noticed, he’d have to be foolish not to, but as Pyrdon would maintain its power, he didn’t care.  He even had a plan if the young one wouldn’t cooperate- after all, there wasn’t too much time to get him to behave.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So the Count rode out to the tiny village of Lungbarrow, and started poking around.  While few spoke of the boy unprompted, they shared news when asked.  Apparently, the boy, called Narvin, was a hard worker and quite focused on his task.  Some of the older ones clucked and fussed that he’d never been the same since the news had come of his best friend (some had whispered of more, but they were quietly shushed) dying in an attack from Roberts.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Darkel caught sight of Narvin for herself, her plans clicked into place.  He was enough of a looker to catch Peylix’s eye, his close-cropped hair noticeably brown but with just a hint of the red that was so desired, and his cheekbones were sticking out enough that she was tempted herself- he’d certainly be an asset to whoever gained his loyalty.  For a second, something quivered up her spine, a whisper of warning, but she brushed it off.  Either he’d be a Prince Consort and bring strength to Pyrdon, or he’d be a martyr and push the kingdom to war.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was just one problem- he wasn’t particularly interested in marriage.  While he wouldn’t turn it down, especially when she’d made it clear that it was from the Prince, he wouldn’t put any more effort into the match than he needed to.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Regardless, she had done her duty, and brought back one spouse for Prince Peylix.  Once he’d set sight on Narvin, he’d actually put down his book.  Evidently, this was love at first sight.  And indeed, over the next few weeks, Peylix was seen out of his labs more than he’d ever been.  While Narvin wasn’t ever truly active, emotive, or visibly interested, he did seem to soften, organizing the heaps of notes and absorbing the lessons that Lady Queen Patience taught him.  However, he was never as visible and bold as they’d prefer, staying down in the labs.  Eventually, they made their decision.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One of Narvin’s remaining favorite things was walking in the forest- away from everything that others would push on him.  One day, as he was walking, he found three figures.  The first was tall, much taller than he was.  He was dressed in clean robes, if somewhat worn and patched- evidently, they’d been living rough.  The second was small, but made up for it in presence.  She was dressed neatly, although none of it quite seemed to fit- more of the living rough, although it did seem odd that some of it seemed too small- much of those cast-offs should have been too big.  The third was dressed in layers of worn fine clothes, with a faintly cracked crystal bound to her waist with several lengths of leather cord.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you direct us to the nearest village?” asked the third one.  It seemed like an odd question.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The nearest village is an hour’s walk, in the direction of the very bright flags that are visible several miles away.  What do you really want?” asked Narvin, who had several alarm bells pealing in the back of his head.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well then, there will be nobody around to hear you scream” responded the one who had asked, gesturing to the others.  The tall one grabbed him, stopping him from running, while the short one did something around his neck, and he knew no more. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chater 3: The Boat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Irving Braxiatel, Brax to his friends, hefted the unconscious body of the future Prince Consort over his shoulder, shifting him from where he’d set him down to untie the boat.  Unceremoniously, he dumped the limp body in between two of the bench things.  He wasn’t a boat person, and neither was Pandora.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Speaking of which, their erstwhile employer was cackling as she dumped some of the filthy rags she’d kept by the mast in a heap by the ropes, tangling them to make them seem like they’d fallen accidentally.  Romana was occupying herself prepping the rudder and checking their course, so he lowered the sails in preparation for their undoubtedly swift departure.  Still, something was bothering him.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, what’s that cloth?”  he asked.  Sure, it might leave Pandora thinking that he was an idiot, but that was her loss.  If she thought he was stupid, she’d take less care.  And while she was smart, her pride was one of her greatest flaws.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You fool, it’s the uniforms of the slaves of the soldiers of the kingdom of Skaro!  And when the Prince, or more likely, the Count, finds it, they will investigate!  More to the point, when they found his body on the Skaro frontier, Pyrdon, and Kasterborous if we’re lucky, will have no choice but to go to war!”  As she kept explaining her plan, her mania began to spiral, until she was nearly shrieking the last few words.  A bush rustled nearby, but Braxiatel ignored it.  If she was caught, then so be it.  He nearly missed his cue for his response.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just think it’s not right to kill him, he could be-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And right on cue, Pandora cut into him.  “Did I just hear the word ‘think’ come out of your mouth!  I didn’t hire you to think!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Quietly, so she couldn’t hear, he mumbled to Romana, who had finished her job and walked up next to him, ‘I didn’t realize she </span>
  <em>
    <span>hired</span>
  </em>
  <span> us at all”, to which she snickered quietly.  Pandora didn’t seem to notice, merely continuing her rant.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to go back to where I found you, unemployed, in Scendel?”  Rounding on Romana, who was trying even harder not to laugh, she continued.  “Or you- so busy </span>
  <em>
    <span>orating</span>
  </em>
  <span> that you were five seconds from getting your skull smashed in?”  She threw up her hands and marched to the front of the boat to be thinking ‘deep’ thoughts, while Romana and Braxiatel finished casting off and set sail.  Romana caught Braxiatel’s eye, winking, and nodding towards Pandora, started.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Pandora does like to </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuss</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Braxiatel smiled.  “She certainly isn’t fond of </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think she means to </span>
  <em>
    <span>harm</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s just a wee bit short on </span>
  <em>
    <span>charm</span>
  </em>
  <span>”.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They cackled together quietly for a moment, then Romana moved back to the tiller.  A quiet voice spoke up, joining in their little game.  “You’re certainly quite good at </span>
  <em>
    <span>rhyme</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ignoring Pandora’s surprise, Braxiatel merely demurred, “Yes, yes, some of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>time</span>
  </em>
  <span>”.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora snapped, “Enough of that!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Instead of further interruptions, Romana called out, “Braxiatel, are there rocks ahead?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cheerfully, he responded, “If there are, we’ll all be dead!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No more rhymes now, and I mean it!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anybody want a peanut?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora screamed.  Narvin nodded, and so Braxiatel handed him a small sack of peanuts he’d picked up in the town.  Such a pity Pandora was going to kill him, but such was his job. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Apologies for the short chapter, but how do you like our trio?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 4: The Cliffs of Insanity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Night had fallen quickly, and as the boat continued its crossing of the Cerlue Channel, conversations had died down.  For a few hours, Romana and Braxiatel had occupied each other with quiet conversation, but Romana had shifted back to the tiller and Braxiatel was remaining near the middle of the ship.  Narvin had spent much of the trip quietly listening to their conversation, occasionally chiming in with his own witty commentary, but now was simply staring at the water.  Pandora was still at the front of the boat, sharpening her three knives or polishing her crystal.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All was quiet, the near-silence broken only by the sound of water against the hull, the wind gusting through the ropes, and Romana shifting every so often to look backwards.  The lantern creaked, its yellow circle of light landing on Pandora, who seemed more and more on edge as they got closer to the other edge of the channel.  Finally, something seemed to push her over the edge.  “Why do you keep looking behind us?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Out of curiosity, what is the possibility that somebody could have been following us?” she asked, instead of answering.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nobody could be following us- nobody in Pyrdon could have followed us so fast, and nobody in Skaro knows that we’re here!”  Pandora paused for a moment, then continued.  “Out of curiosity, why do you ask?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana shrugged, turning back once more.  “Oh, no reason probably.  It’s just, I looked back, and there was somebody there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The others jumped to their feet.  Indeed, a second, smaller boat was behind them.  While still far off, they were barely visible- made harder by their black sail, but easier by the small lantern hanging off their prow.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora looks ready to deny the fact that the ship was following them, and indeed, has already managed “Inconceivable!” when she was interrupted by a loud splashing sound.  The three spun around, only to see that Narvin had jumped overboard.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well?” demanded Pandora.  “Go and get him!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana shrugged.  “I can’t swim.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Braxiatel copied the motion.  “I only dog-paddle”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin was clearly scything through the choppy water with the ease of practice, and a dog-paddle wouldn’t catch up to him in time.  Pandora jumped into action- screaming.  “Veer left!  Left!  Pull the thing!  And- the other thing!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana and Braxiatel ignored much of her ranting, banking left until they pulled ahead of Narvin’s path.  Then, they slowed, still ready to act.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora leaned over the railing, calling over the sudden shrieking noise.  “Do you know what that sound is, Consort?  That’s the sound of the Screaming Dromeels!  If you doubt me, just wait: they always get louder before they feed on a swimmer’s flesh!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The screaming indeed did increase in pitch, with a long streak of silvery-black scales rising out of the water.  One of the Dromeels’ heads lifted out of the water, long fangs gleaming in the combined light of the moon and lantern, and lunged forwards, striking-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“He does not get eaten by the eels at this time” said Jack, interrupting the story.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The children looked at him, upset that he was not continuing.  However, Rani had tucked herself tighter between the others, Luke and Clyde bracing themselves on either side, while Maria tucked herself into Clyde’s other side.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jack chuckled slightly, and then went back to the story.  While he was behaving, he really did like the kids, it was foolish to expect that he’d be perfectly behaved the entire time.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Now, where was I?  Ah, yes.  ‘... long fangs gleaming in the combined light of the moon and lantern, and lunged forwards, striking</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> but missing, as Braxiatel reached down, hauling Narvin out of the water.  He passed him a towel, unconcerned with the amount of water dripping into the boat, or Pandora’s irritated shrieks.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin was not left unattended after that, which made for a long night, as Romana and Braxiatel traded shifts manning the tiller and keeping an eye on their prisoner, who was shivering miserably.  Pandora slept, although the occasional comment kept the others not wishing to plan anything big.  Eventually, just as dawn was breaking, they reached the Cliffs of Insanity.  Two things happened there- they sailed into an inlet, Pandora tying knots into an odd rope, and Romana turned to check on the ship that had been gaining steadily over the night, and turned back with bad news.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’re almost on top of us!” she called.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No matter!” Pandora declared.  “Whoever they are, if they really are following us, they cannot follow us up the Cliffs!”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Braxiatel tied himself into the harness that Pandora had attached to the rope, while Pandora herself manhandled Narvin into the front.  She then attached herself in between, letting her legs dangle freely.  Romana neatly cut free the rudder, then latched herself onto Braxiatel’s back, with the ease of long practice.  She locked her legs around his waist, then chirped, “All aboard!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Braxiatel started to climb.  “Going up!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Below, a figure dressed all in black sailed into the inlet.  Seeing that their boat blocked the access, she simply tied her boat up next to the other one and hopped across, grabbing onto the rope and beginning to climb.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the group reached the halfway point, Romana looked down.  There was a woman in black, brownish red hair under a bandana, but catching the light quite well.  She was climbing, and gaining on them as well.  Romana relayed this to Pandora, and got the expected response.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Inconceivable!” Pandora shouted.  She looked down herself, then turned to yelling at Braxiatel, who continued climbing.  “Climb faster!  You were supposed to be this great brute, this incredible strongman- and yet she gains!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Braxiatel huffed, “Well, I am carrying three people, and she only has herself.”  However, he climbed faster, pushing himself like he hadn’t in ages.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, they reached the top of the Cliffs of Insanity, and while Romana got Narvin and Braxiatel untangled, Pandora cut the rope.  After the rope fell, Romana and Braxiatel looked down, checking.  To their mild surprise, the woman was still there.  About three-quarters of the way up, she was clinging to the side of the Cliffs.  And as they watched, she began to climb again.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Inconceivable!” shouted Pandora.  Romana was fed up, her fiery temper breaking free.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it means.  It was inconceivable that somebody was following us, but there are two ships in the inlet.  It was inconceivable that she would catch up, and yet she did.  It was inconceivable that she climb, but there she ascends!”  She threw up her hands and turned away.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora growled.  “Well, you’ll have to take care of her.  Catch up to us once she’s dead.”  With that, she turned, storming off into the Skaro frontier.  Braxiatel hefted Narvin, pausing a moment.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Be careful, I want you coming back to me intact.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana smiled.  “Don’t worry, I will.”  She pecked him quickly on the cheek, then whispered something into his ear.  Braxiatel nodded once, smiling faintly, then turned to follow Pandora, who had stopped at the edge of the ruins and was haranguing them.  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 5: The Swordfight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Romana paced around the top of the cliffs, wandering throughout the ruins for what felt like hours but was, in actuality, barely twenty minutes at best.  Eventually, she returned to the cliff face and leaned down to see how far the Woman in Black had managed to make it.  In that time, she had risen almost two body lengths- but there was still much space to go.  Exasperated, she called down, “Pardon, do you mind going a little faster?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black looked up, exasperated.  “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but this isn’t exactly easy work.”  Then she turned back, reaching up and grabbing a new handhold.  For a few seconds, Romana merely admired the quality gloves that kept her hands from being cut to pieces and the evident musculature under the black clothing, then turned back to the ruins.  However, having seen them once, they were able to hold her attention for much less time, and they didn’t even have any interesting carvings to remember to tell Brax about.  Sighing, she turned back to the cliff face once more, and looked down on the Woman in Black.  She didn’t appear to have climbed much more, and even appeared to be taking a break.  She glanced up, oddly blue eyes catching the light.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you’re so impatient for me to get up there, you could lower a branch or toss me a rope or something.” she acerbically stated, bracing a leg better against the least crumbly of the rocks.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana inclined her head, wincing slightly as the old scars stretched.  “Yes, I could do that, but I don’t think you’d accept- since I’m only waiting around up here to kill you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black hummed.  “That does put a damper on our relationship.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana was quiet for a few minutes, then got fed up with waiting.  “I have a rope up here, what would make you trust it?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black shrugged, beginning to climb again.  “Nothing I can think of.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I swear on my honor as a Pyrdonian.”  Romana said.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Laughing faintly, the Woman in Black shook her head.  “No good- I’ve known too many Pyrdonians.”  She continued to climb for a few more seconds, before Romana broke the silence again.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I swear on the soul of my mother, Wynter Trelundar, you will reach the top alive.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black paused for a single second, then made her decision.  “Throw me the rope”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once the Woman in Black reached the top, she drew her sword, ready to begin the duel, but after Romana gestured her to a set of rocks, gratefully sat down, taking off her high sea boots to shake the gravel out of them.  Romana leaned back, tying her thick blonde hair with a braided cord Brax had given her, accidentally showing off the two scars on each side of her throat.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black startled.  “How’d you get those?” she asked.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana sighed, slumping against the rocks.  It was just the two of them and Pandora wouldn’t look, so she could actually let her mask down.  “A woman with six fingers on her right hand.  My mother was a penturner, and the woman commissioned her for a set that would fit comfortably with her unique hand size.  My mother slaved for a year, making an intricate set, capable of holding ink for years, maintaining a perfect light balance, never splitting, and made of many, many fine woods.  At the end of the year, the woman returned.  She accepted the pens, then attempted to pay a tenth of the promised price.  My mother refused- they were art.  The woman drew her sword and ran my mother through.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She paused for a second, clearly emotional despite her voice still ringing clearly.  “I loved my mother- so I picked up a sword and challenged her murderer to a duel.  Obviously, it didn’t go well- I kept my life, but was left with these.”  She traced the long thin cuts, one on each side of her neck.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So I spent a couple decades learning the sword, and on the way, discovered my passion- arguing and oratory.  The world could be better, if only we were willing to make the changes.  But I need to gain revenge for my mother’s soul, and I was traveling since I heard news that the Count that advises the King had six fingers on her right hand, when my fiance and I were set off course.  One thing led to another, and we needed the cash, so” she shrugged.  “But one day, I will walk up to the woman who murdered my mother, and I will look her in the face, and I will say: ‘Hello, my name is Romana Trelundar.  You killed my mother.  Prepare to die.’  And then we will fight, and I will win- when she stabbed my mother, her form was clumsy.  She clearly wasn’t suited to swordswomanship, and only carried one to intimidate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana leaned back, clearly done with her story.  The two women sat back in silence for a few minutes, before the Woman in Black stood up.  “You have been most generous, but I do believe that we do need to have this duel.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana also stood, gracefully stretching like a cat.  “You seem a lovely person.  I hate to kill you.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black also stretched, drawing her sword.  “You seem a lovely person.  I hate to die.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana also drew her sword, and both women circled each other, swords hanging loosely in their left hands.  For a moment, one lunged, and the blades sang for a few seconds, meeting and clashing until they withdrew once more.  The duel continued in this manner, Romana slowly being forced back to the edge of one of the ruined balconies.  For a few seconds, it looked like that was the end.  However, the Woman in Black paused, for Romana was smiling.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you smiling?” she asked.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because I know something you don’t know- I am not left handed.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And with that, Romana neatly flicked her sword into her other hand, and the tide of the duel turned.  Romana was quite good, and soon the Woman in Black was on the defensive, until she herself was pushed back.  She, too, smiled, and Romana winked.  The Woman in Black winked in return, then flipped her own sword back into her own right hand.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For a few minutes, the two masters of swordswomanship met each other in the middle, each showing off, until finally the sword slipped out of Romana’s fingers.  She knelt, pushing her hair out of the way.  “If you’re going to kill me, make it quick.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black circled her, pausing behind her.  “I would sooner destroy a fine gown than kill a mistress like you, however, since I cannot have you following me,” she swung her sword hilt, hitting Romana in the head.  Romana went limp, and the Woman in Black neatly dragged her to an out of the way pile of rocks, clear in the sun but blocked from much of the ruins and the nearby hills.  As she turned to follow the path, Romana winked once more, and she returned it with one of her own, then put that aside.  One was kind, but now it was time for the second- who would be much harder to deal with. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter Six: The Hills</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Pandora and Braxiatel stopped in the middle of the hills, on a rise surrounded by many more.  They were looking back, to see who had won and if they needed to leave a marker.  However, they saw that the Woman in Black was running up the path.  Braxiatel looked further, noticing a small figure perched on the rocks, and smiled internally.  Romana was still alive, and Pandora didn’t know.  Pandora, on the other hand, was furious.  She’d lost one of the best fighters she could blackmail, and now they still had an enemy on their tail.  Coming to a decision, she grabbed a knife and slashed through the ropes around Narvin’s ankles.  He wasn’t much good alive, too canny to be trusted, but he could run.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take the princeling, you stay here and take care of the Woman in Black your way.” she snapped.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Braxiatel swung Narvin down, keeping a hand on his shoulder as he stumbled.  “OK, I can do that.”  He paused a moment, then added on, almost as an afterthought, “What is my way?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora looked frustrated.  “There’s lots of loose rocks around here.  Take one and hide behind one of these bigger rocks.  When the Woman in Black rounds the corner, hit her with the rock!” she screeched.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Braxiatel nodded, letting go of Narvin and glancing around.  “My way doesn’t sound very sportsmanlike” he commented.  Ah, it was the little things.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora looked like she was about to have an aneurysm, but held her inevitable screaming fit in with an obvious effort of will.  Instead, she grabbed Narvin’s bound hands and hauled him off, heading further into the Skaro frontier.  After they’d rounded a few corners, Braxiatel could hear her resounding screech echoing back down the passageway.  He grabbed a few large rocks and settled in to wait.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black headed up through the natural path through the rocks, one hand on her sword, the other hovering over a pouch on her waist.  She rounded a corner, and stumbled back as a rock impacted the wall of the near-canyon, not three feet in front of her face.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Braxiatel stepped out from behind a boulder, a second rock held loosely in his hand.  “I didn’t have to miss, you know”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black took a step back, eyes slightly wide.  “I believe you!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stepped forwards, tossing his rock aside.  “Ah, don’t bother with the banter.  It just doesn’t feel right.  Now, I know you spared Romana, and I want to know why.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black hesitantly stepped forwards as well, keeping an eye on Braxiatel as he neatly sat, leaning against the rock face, tilting his head back to soak in the weak sunlight.  “There were many reasons,” she began, shifting one hand away from the hilt of her sword, but keeping the other near the pouch.  “But how do I know that you won’t betray me to your boss the first chance you get?  And who are you, and why do you care?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Braxiatel paused, then started laughing.  “You ask good questions, oh mysterious stranger!  I suppose that since we’re being diplomatic, I’ll answer your questions.  My name is Irving Braxiatel, Romana is my fiancee, and our boss is blackmailing us to keep us working for her.  She thinks she’s clever, and she is to a degree, but she’s completely misusing our gifts- for instance, although I’m big and strong, I prefer art acquisition- preferably by charming others out of their hoards.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black sat, knees tucked under her.  “I thank you for your answers, and now for my own.  Romana was kind and clever, and I doubted your loyalty with your combined jabs at your boss, so we planned a false defeat for the trackers and letting her go free.  She also had a nice story, it was nice to hear about people’s stuff when it’s not waterlogged.”  Braxiatel quirked his head at that, but she shook it off.  “Later.  Anyways, I’d rather leave her alive and owing me a small debt, than following the madwoman of your boss and being wasted.  Plus she sounded familiar, and you do too, but I can’t properly place the names.”  She shook her head.  “Regardless, I’ll figure it out eventually.  Now, what should we do to fake a fight?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Brax shook his head.  “It can’t be a physical fight, that’s quite hard to throw in a way that leaves traces that say it wasn’t thrown.  How about we act like I was just a bad shot, throwing rocks at you while you run away?  Then I can go find Romana- and we do owe you a debt, since you saved us from our boss while leaving us uninjured.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black sighed, then stood.  “I assume you have enough rocks?” she asked tiredly.  Braxiatel, taking the question as acceptance, also stood, nodding.  She paused, taking a few deep breaths, then bolted.  He followed, chucking rocks slightly in front of or behind her, until she was out of reach and he was out of rocks.  He smirked, before heading off to the rocks, the Cliffs, and the two boats that could lead them back to Pyrdon until they could get better travel to home.  Something niggled in the back of his head, whispering to stay in Pyrdon for a few days.  It was likely that they’d have to anyways, since ships back home were few and unlikely to take passengers without high fees.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Apologies for the short chapter, next one will make up for it and more!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter Seven: The Battle of Wits</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The Woman in Black continued her run, loping across the open plains.  Cresting a small rise, she came across an odd scene.  On one of the flat rocks was spread a faded tablecloth, with a bottle of wine and two cups, as well as cheese and dried meats.  Sitting at one side, waiting for her, was the mysterious boss, Pandora, and Narvin, blindfolded, with a knife held to his throat.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carefully, the Woman in Black approached.  Pandora dug the knife in, pressing into the soft skin of Narvin’s neck.  “By all means, if you wish him dead, continue.”  she stated, cool and smug.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black spread her hands, going for a conciliatory tone, stepping forward slowly.  “Now, let me explain-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re killing him” Pandora snapped, digging the point of the knife in deeper.  The Woman in Black’s eyes traced the single drop of blood that escaped the wound, but stepped no further.  “And besides, what have you to explain?  You’re trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once more, the Woman in Black attempted to step forwards.  “But surely we can come to an agreement?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora jabbed her knife in again, but Narvin only showed his pain with a slight inhalation, his Adam’s apple bobbing slightly against the sharp pressure.  “And once more- you’re killing him!”  The Woman in Black froze, then changed tacks.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well then, if we cannot come to an agreement, then we are at an impasse” she commented, shifting lightly.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora nodded.  “I’m afraid so- I’m no match for you physically, and you’re no match for my brains.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black rocked back on her heels, looking at her skeptically.  “You’re that smart?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know Plato, Aristotle, Socrates, the Other?”  The Woman in Black nodded.  “Morons.” Pandora declared.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Truly?” asked the Woman in Black.  “In that case, I challenge you to a battle of wits.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora smiled.  “For the princeling?”  She nodded.  “To the death?”  She nodded again.  “Then I accept”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black stepped forwards, sitting down on the other side of the picnic.  “Then pour the wine.”  She pulled a small packet from the pouch at her waist, then opened it.  “Inhale this, but do not touch.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora did so.  “I smell nothing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black inclined her head.  “What you did not smell is powdered Janis thorn.  Odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in most every liquid, and one of the most deadly poisons known to these peoples.”  Pandora hummed in understanding, and gestured for her to continue.  The Woman in Black took the full glasses, then turned her back and fiddled with the packet and the glasses.  When she turned back, she shuffled the glasses, before placing one on each side of the table.  Dusting her gloved hands against her legs, she continued with her explanations.  “One glass is poisoned.  The battle begins when the explanation ends, it ends when you choose which glass you want, and we both drink.  Then we will find out who is right- and who is dead.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora paused for a minute, then laughed.  “You called this hard?  All I have to do is deduce, from what I know of you, whether you are the kind of person to put poison in your glass, or your enemies!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She leaned back, then began one of the greatest rants of the Woman in Black’s history.  “Now, a clever person would put the poison in their own glass, because only a great fool would trust the glass they were given, so I can clearly not trust the wine in front of you.  But you would have known that I am not a great fool” Narvin coughed, muttering something under his breath, but was ignored, “and would have counted on it!  So I can clearly not trust the wine in front of me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you have made your decision, then?” asked the Woman in Black.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just getting started!  Janis thorns come from the savages of the Sevateem, who are terrible criminals.  And criminals are used to having people not trust them.  So I can clearly not trust the wine in front of you.  But you would have known I would know your powder’s origin, so I cannot choose the wine in front of me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black started to fidget, tugging at the fingers of her gloves.  “You’re just stalling now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora shifted forwards, pride shining from her face.  “You’d like to think that!  You’ve beaten my giant,” Narvin coughed again, shaking his head since the knife was gone, “so you must be incredibly strong, and you could have trusted in your strength to see you through, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.  But you’ve also beaten my Arcal,” Narvin really wasn’t trying to hide his derision, but fortunately for him, the only one looking was the Woman in Black, “so I know that you’ve studied.  And in your studies, you would have learned that people are mortal.  So you would have put the poison as far away from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black was shaking slightly, trying to keep still.  “You’re trying to get me to give something away- it won’t work.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora jumped to her feet.  “You’ve already given everything away!  I know where the poison is!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black leaned forwards.  “Then make your choice!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora leaned over the table.  “I will!  The poison is in- good Celesti's mercy!  What in the seven spheres is that!” pointing just over the Woman in Black’s shoulder.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black spun, but on seeing nothing, turned back.  “There’s nothing there”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora shrugged, sitting back down.  “I could have sworn I saw something.  Anyways, let us drink.  You from your glass, me from mine.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two women lifted the glasses, a mock toast to the other, before drinking.  Pandora poured the entire glass down her throat, while the Woman in Black sipped deeply, rolling the mouthful around in her mouth.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve chosen wrongly” she stated, full of confidence.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pandora cackled, gesturing with her knife.  “You only think I’ve chosen wrongly!  I switched the glasses while your back was turned!  Ha-ha, you fool!”  She paused for a deep breath, then continued.  “You fell victim to one of the classic blunders!  The most famous is ‘Never get involved in a land war in Karn’, but only slightly less known is ‘Never go up against an Imperatrix when death is on the line!”  She continued cackling, until she fell over, collapsing into her crystal.  Narvin quickly stood, stomping on the crystal several times until it had crumbled into dust, before turning his bound hands to the Woman in Black.  She quickly sliced through the rope binding them, then he took off the blindfold and smiled at her.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you used the Janis thorn trick,” he commented.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Woman in Black smiled, big and genuine.  “Yes.  How’d you figure it out?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin smiled.  “Janis thorns are a contact poison.  You coated the glasses, and wore gloves.  You certainly threatened enough people back then to let me remember, Leela.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela took off her black mask and bandanna, letting her hair down.  “Yes, yes, it’s good to see you too, but your fiance” her voice curdled on the word, “or perhaps his Count, is following us and I’d rather be out of the country before then, wouldn’t you?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin nodded, smiling, and she grabbed his hand and began pulling him across the frontier, to their next path.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter Eight: Finding the Trail</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Rounding the bend, a squadron of the Chancellery Guards trotted neatly through the ruins, having just ridden up the longer path from the Port of Pandak, the preferred route since the Cliffs were known for being unstable.  Riding at the head of the guards were two figures that kept the rest of the squadron on edge.  The first looked vaguely uncomfortable, keeping his eyes on everything but the horse he was on.  The second kept the guards quiet, not tossing back their familiar banter and humor, as the Count Darkel was not one to cross.  Whispers spread that she’d used to be nice, one of the fairest judges who arbitrated between a legendary figure and a shadow demon who’d wanted his soul- but on her entry into politics, the shadow demon had stolen her sense of kindness and justice.  Now, she was only out for herself.  Compared to her, nobody could work up the need to fear the Prince.  There was more attention paid to the fact that he was actually out of his lab and the Palace, than to his authority.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Prince Peylix pulled up in front of the large open space, dismounting and looking carefully at the dirt.  The Count attempted to ride up, only to be stopped with a raised hand.  “Stop- you’ll disturb the evidence” he snapped, his usual lack of tact rearing its head.  The Count was simply too shocked by that tone in use to her to react with the rage she’d normally find, and instead simply retreated a few steps.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Peylix either didn’t notice or didn’t care, carefully pacing through the path of the duel.  Although some of the Guard worried for his life, as he’d climbed quite close to two loose sections of railing twice, he didn’t appear to notice.  Finally, he stepped back, nodding to himself.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well?” demanded Darkel.  She hadn’t wanted to come, but it was always useful to have somebody properly ruthless to make the decisions that the other’s couldn’t.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Prince Peylix glanced up.  “This was a duel between two masters.  They both were likely female or short, judging from the size of the feet.  They were either masters of tendon-cutting or just odd, as both started the fight left-handed, then switched to the right, but there’s barely any blood.  This went on for a while, both of them pulling off some quite impressive tricks, and teasing the other- there are places where they’ve definitely been pulling the fight- but in the end, the winner ran off into the hills over there, and the loser was probably killed, their corpse dumped over there”.  He gestured over to a high cluster of rocks.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Darkel paused, remembering all at once that while the Prince wasn’t interested in politics, didn’t mean that he wasn’t very good at what he did.  Then she pushed that aside and took control again.  “We don’t care about the loser, the carrion can have her corpse.  We follow the winner.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Guards would, if this had been a normal mission, checked the corpse anyways- but what Count Darkel ordered, the Guards would do.  So they rode off down the path, missing the quiet head of blonde hair that poked up out of the cluster of rocks, followed shortly by a taller head of dark hair.  They exchanged looks, then slipped out, grabbing the rope to descend to the inlet below.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Half an hour later, the Guard met up with another path of odd things.  The hills had narrowed and steepened, forming a mock canyon.  And on the canyon walls were impact patterns.  Peylix continued poking at them, then hurried over to the other side.  “Why bother over there?” Darkel called.  “The interesting stuff is over here”.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Peylix didn’t bother commenting, simply flinging a quick rude gesture over his shoulder as he poked at the ground in a few places.  He straightened, then turned to fully look at the Count.  “That’s where you’re wrong, oh Count.  The interesting part isn’t the impact, that’s just because a giant was throwing rocks.  He was left here, as he was waiting for a time, sitting down.  Funnily enough, his opponent hid for a bit in the same place.  However, he met her in this corner, and she dodged rocks, until,” he paused, glancing up the canyon, “she managed to get out of range and he ran out of rocks.  Either that, or she managed to take him out- since there’s an impact pattern like he fell back.  I doubt the latter, unless it was unconsciousness, because there’s prints leading back to the ruins- but either way, we don’t have to worry about him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Darkel was worried, although she kept it to herself.  The Imperiatrix’s Trio were supposed to be professionals, but two of the three had been taken out.  While rumors were spreading that the other two were not willing helpers, she trusted the Imperatrix- as they’d been writing for years.  Regardless, they needed decisions from her, so they wouldn’t look to the Prince.  “He is no matter, all that matters is getting the Prince Consort back.  We ride on!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Guards were just enjoying the show, seeing the information that Prince Peylix could bring out of solid stone and bare dirt.  Above them, a hawk squawked twice, before banking and continuing to follow them.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A full hour later, after three horses had thrown their riders, they made it to a mock picnic area.  Scattered there were the shards of a crystal, with a dusty red liquid oozing out of the edges.  Darkel couldn’t hold in a gasp.  Heads turned to her, and she couldn’t even put up a good lie.  “That’s the crystal the Imperatrix had on her- she was bound to it.  Whoever they are, they took out one of the more powerful trios in Kingmaker history!”  She was shaking, but managed to pull herself together while Peylix investigated.  One of the higher-up guards, whose horse had thrown him, started poking around as well.  He lifted one of the glasses, intending to take a drink of the wine, when he was met with a furious Peylix.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Those glasses were poisoned!  Not only did your stupidity cost us a Guard, but you disturbed the liquid sample!  Now I’d have to go back to my lab to figure out what it is, if it makes it that long!”  The Guardsman was shaking, absolutely terrified.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But I didn’t even drink any!” he squawked.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you disturbed it!” yelled Peylix.  He was about to continue haranguing the poor guard, when the guard toppled.  Another of the thrown Guards leaned over and checked his pulse, then shook his head.  He covered his eyes and folded his arms, and two of the others dismounted to set up a stretcher and to wrap the corpse.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“May you find the peace of the ages, Torvald” he intoned, before they tied the corpse to the stretcher, then hooked it up to the largest horse.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Peylix was somewhat shaken, but continued.  “It’s Janis thorn powder, on the glass.  They’re well-connected- and now, the path is clear.  I am going back to the fleet, along with one squad to take the corpse back.  You take the rest and bring back my fiance”.  Without looking for agreement, he turned, mounted his horse, and gestured for the squad who’d prepped the body to follow him.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Darkel took the remaining Guards, her head spinning too much to do more than give the orders that were ingrained into her head.  How had this all gone this way?</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter Nine: The Fire Swamp</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Leela and Narvin ran across the fields of Skaro, pausing about an hour from the deadly picnic by a cluster of rocks.  “May I ask about the disguise?” asked Narvin.  He had tried to stay fit, but he was still a bit out of breath.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela leaned back against the rocks next to him.  “Everybody knew I was dead, and if you truly thought I was, then you wouldn’t trust one who looked like me.  In all actuality, I was planning on revealing myself after we’d gotten to the escape route, but you managed to put it together.  Some plans had to be changed, but the others won’t care too much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin nodded, then pulled himself up.  “Still got a ways to go, though, right?”  At Leela’s nod, he groaned, then offered a hand to help her up.  She took it, then started tugging him across the plains again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another hour later, a hawk flung itself out of the sky, circling the two of them.  A metal cylinder was strapped to its chest, and Leela raised a leather-wrapped arm.  The bird perched, and Narvin carefully opened the cylinder, extracting the rolled-up paper.  On it was written, ‘Susan (the bird) will help you keep an eye on the guards.  If she’s found you, they’re going to find you soon.  Remember, if things go wrong, we’ll be waiting’.  On the other side, a different, lighter hand scrawled, ‘There’s a spare sheet.  Let us know what happens if things go wonky!  She’ll come if you call her, or if you need her.’  Narvin carefully peeled away the second sheet of thin paper, and tucked it carefully into his belt pouch.  It was good that they’d had the warning, but they needed to keep running.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela peered around, catching sight of the troop of Chancellery Guards.  She tugged at his arm, and the two of them continued on their way.  However, the Guards had spotted them, and were closing in.  Leela glanced around nervously, eyes catching on the steep canyon to the side.  “Forgive me, my love” she managed, before tackling him down the hillside.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They tumbled over each other, arms over heads but the rest of them bounced and bumped against the hard dirt, spilling onto the bottom of the canyon.  Narvin groaned as he opened his eyes, Leela right on top of him.  For a moment they simply stared into each other's eyes, before Narvin gave her a quick kiss, then rolled over and stood up.  “Come on, we want to keep going before they get smart and realize they could follow us!” he called.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela winced.  “They probably couldn’t, since their armor would just give them more bruises, and the canyon is closed.  The issue is where we’re stuck going now.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin looked back.  “Why?  It’s not like it’s the-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela cut him off.  “It’s the Fire Swamp.  We’re stuck going into the Fire Swamp.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin paled, but kept going.  “We’re not going to survive this,” he groaned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nonsense!  You’re only saying that because nobody ever has!” Leela exclaimed, bouncing.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin sighed, shaking his head, as he jogged to catch up with his partner.  “And you’re excited to make us the first two?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know me so well!” Leela chirped, before darting off.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the top of the cliffs, the Count Darkel glared.  “They do know that they’re going into the Fire Swamp, correct?  Regardless, we return to the ships and sail to the other side.  If they make it through, we can free the Prince Consort from his kidnapper.  If not, then at least we can prove to the Prince that we did all that we could.  Move out!” she commanded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, the couple had made it to the entry to the Fire Swamp.  “You know the tales?” asked Narvin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yep!  The two biggest things to worry about in any Fire Swamp are the flame spurts and the lightning sand!  Easy peasy- either dodge, or starfish until a partner can get you!” Leela chirped, excited to test her skills in a two-on-biome battle.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin sighed, rolling his eyes.  “Yes, but this is the Skaro Fire Swamp!  There are more things there that you don’t know about- since nobody survives, nobody knows!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela shrugged and handed him a knife.  He took it, attaching the sheath to the opposite side of his belt.  Sighing, he offered his hand to her, which she accepted.  Together, they stepped forwards into the Fire Swamp.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was dark and moist, the air humid and heavy, and warm, despite the chill of the plains outside.  Carefully, they kept down the old paths from the legendary Three Boar Chase, brushing the heavy vines out of their way.  A loud popping sound rang out, and they stopped, watching for where it came from.  A gust of flame shot out of the ground, catching Narvin’s robe from where the stained ends dragged on the ground.  He fell to the ground, rolling to put the flames out.  When the garment was finally extinguished, he exchanged a look with Leela, who put her hands up.  “OK!  OK!  So maybe we don’t know everything here, but we’re learning.  You alright?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah”, he prodded the side of his leg.  “Just a bit warm, maybe going to be a bit sore.  There’s enough layers in that thing that the flames didn’t touch it.  But I’d rather not have something that flammable on and loose, so a little help?”  Leela leaned over, checking the leg for herself.  Once she’d assured herself that there was indeed no burn there, she grabbed one of her many knives and helped him cut away much of the heavy fabric of the layers of his robes.  The fabric was folded and wound into a small spool, going into Narvin’s stolen bag.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They continued for a time, until Narvin’s curiosity overtook him.  “So what’d you get up to while you were gone?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela sighed, then warned, “It’s a long story, and much of it I’m not telling here- I don’t want to go into details.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin shrugged.  “It’s your story, you tell as much or as little as you feel ready to tell.  I’ll listen to what you feel the need to tell me unless there’s something hugely big- but I promise to communicate.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela’s eyes welled up, and she tackled him in a tight hug.  His arms came up automatically, and he held her tight as she shook.  “You alright?” he whispered, internally panicking.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela finished shaking, then pulled away slightly, wiping her eyes with the back of one gloved hand.  “Not really, but I can continue enough till we get out of here.  Anyways, it did start out with the Dread Pirate Roberts.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of her story was cut off by Narvin stepping onto a sandy patch of ground, then suddenly disappearing.  Panic struck her, and she got moving quickly.  She tied her bandanna around her mouth and nose, cut a vine, then stuck her sword into a thick pile of moss.  “I’m coming, Narv.” she whispered, before diving into the Lightning Sand.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin drifted slowly down, eyes screwed shut and breath held.  He knew how to let Leela help him, limbs spread out and starfished as much as he could to slow his descent, and not to open his eyes or inhale, or the sand would get in.  However, the lack of air was bugging him.  It began to burn, the need to breathe.  The only thing that kept him holding his breath was his certainty that Leela would come for him.  Just as he was about to give in, however, his body overriding his desires, a set of strong arms wrapped around him, and they began to ascend.  Narvin managed to hold back his need to inhale, as Leela pulled them both up the vine.  All he could do was stay limp and orient himself so that the sand could not pull on them.  Eventually, their heads broke the surface, and they both gasped for air, hauling themselves the rest of the way out of the sand.  Coughing and gasping, they flopped on the solid ground next to the pit, clinging to each other, shaking with the adrenaline from the terror.  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter Ten: Out of the Fire Swamp</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, they pulled themselves together, clambering to their feet.  Leela pulled her sword from the moss where she’d left it, and they were off once more.  They walked in quietness for a while, until Leela broke the silence.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It started out with the Dread Pirate Roberts” she began, before pausing.  Carefully, Narvin didn’t look her directly in the face, but gave the hand he was holding a quick squeeze.  Encouraged, Leela continued.  “It’s said that she never leaves survivors- but I asked.  Just ‘please’.  And that apparently gave her a reason to spare my life- that, and the fact that I was ready to kill her if it meant that I could get back, but she didn’t know that.  So she spared my life, and I ended up as her aide.  For a year, I did whatever extra work I was told, and learned how to use a sword.  Every night, when I would go to bed, she’d say, ‘Sleep well, Leela; I’ll most likely kill you in the morning’.  At the end of the year, she made me a full crewmember, and that started it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I decided I’d take whatever of my wages I didn’t need, and save up to go and get you, then travel to Patrex for our jobs.  It took a while, and a full year after I’d made crew, rising through the ranks all the while, Roberts took me into her cabin and revealed her secret.”  Leela paused, as Narvin neatly pulled her out of the way of a flame spurt, then continued.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She was not the original Roberts, and she wanted to pass the title on to me.  The rest of the crew knew, and saw the title as just another word for Captain, so she’d spend a few months making sure I knew the ins and outs, then she’d retire.  She was planning on spending her life traveling more independently, and her real name was Jo.  The one she’d gotten the title from was called Lizzie, and she’d been retired five years.  The original Roberts was called Barbara, and she’d been retired with her husband, teaching at the university, for fifteen years.  So I became Roberts, and spent several months continuing the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Revenge</span>
  </em>
  <span>’s reign of terror on the high seas.  Then I got word of your impending nuptials, and knowing the Prince’s lack of interest in anyone, headed in to rescue you.  There were other reasons, an old friend asking us to pick up a few kidnapped ones, and my protege wanted to see if she could visit the Miracle Couples in the area.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin asked his first question.  “Your protege?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela nodded, smiling.  “Her name’s Ace, and she loves explosives.  After we get out of here, I’m keeping the title long enough to get us a decent nest egg, then passing it onto her.  She’s going to use it better and more than I would, anyways.  Any other questions?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin paused, thinking, and Leela dragged him away from the next flame spurt.  “Not really, although I should warn you that many of the Miracle Couples have moved in disgrace- the King is ailing, and if he dislikes their advice, then he fires them- and he’s still got enough reputation that few others will follow.  There’s only two left- one was fired, but stayed; the other is still hired, but I doubt they’ll be staying.  So if your protege wants advice, she really only has one option- the only reason the other stayed this long is they were good at sucking up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tilted his head, thinking.  “Probably there’ll be more questions later, but right now I keep getting distracted by the fact that we haven’t seen any of the threats we were supposed to hear about.  Not even a R.O.U.S!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela paused, turning to him.  “You worry too much.  Besided, Rodents Of Unusual Size?  I doubt they exist.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At that moment, a rat the size of a person leaped out of the underbrush and caught Leela by the shoulder.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She screamed, caught by surprise, and flailed for her knives.  Narvin also let out a shriek, knife out and waiting for a free spot- right now, they were both flailing about that he was as likely to get Leela as the rat.  Eventually, Leela managed to roll it over, and Narvin jumped in next to her, stabbing at the rat to get it to release its grip.  When it did, they pushed it towards the loud popping noise, watching as it burnt.  Narvin then whirled back to Leela, and started fussing.  “Your arm!  Are you- well, you’re not alright, but are you injured anywhere else?” he asked, already digging through his stolen bag to see if there was anything useful.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela groaned, perching herself on a large root as Narvin smeared the disinfectant on the claw marks on her shoulder.  “I’m fine besides the shoulder wound, we’ll be able to make it out of here.”  Carefully, he finished winding some of the strips of robe around the wound, leaving the arm free enough to move while keeping her from bleeding out.  Once the bandage was in place, the pair kept moving.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a couple more hours of dodging flames and tricking giant rodents into either the flames or pits of Lightning Sand, and they were ready to be done with the Fire Swamp.  Leela was still twitching from the last R.O.U.S, and Narvin wasn’t doing much better.  “What purpose could anyone have to make a guinea pig that large?” she whispered, not for the first time.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin’s only response was an eye twitch, whispering, “Why did it have to be giant beavers?  How’d it even fit?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, they managed to stumble out of the swamp, the hawk circling closely around Narvin, screaming once in his ear, before flying off.  They continued forwards, aiming for the paths to the coast, where they could meet up with the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Revenge</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  However, all plans of naval escape withered and died when a troop of Chancellery Guards rode up from the path, surrounding them.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin glanced around, glad that Leela had replaced her bandanna after her hair had gotten caught, and that her face was unrecognizable enough that nobody could pin her as what they’d seen before.  He caught sight of several crossbowmen, barely pretending to hide, before Leela pulled him back and wrapped an arm around his neck.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not returning him until I get proof that he’s actually going back to where he’s meant to be, or decent enough compensation for a loose Prince Consort!” she demanded.  Narvin was startled, but went limp as he’d done before- hostage situations were excellent for planning or tricking others.  Quietly, she whispered in his ear while waiting for an answer, “Let them take you, something smells fishy about this and I want answers.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Guard was spared from having to negotiate with the odd dark-clad figure who had the Prince Consort in a headlock with the Count and Prince’s arrival on the scene.  The Count immediately barked, “And why should we produce this proof or reward, as you seemed ready enough to take him before!  You should be grateful to leave here with your life, fool!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Prince cut her off with an authoritative wave of his hand, stepping forwards.  “Is this enough proof for you?” he asked, mockingly.  Leela carefully sized him up, glaring, then nodded, shoving Narvin forwards.  He stumbled, and collapsed into Peylix’s arms.  “Well then, I thank you for the return of my fiance.”  Turning to Narvin, he began to guide him back down the path to the bay, where their ship was.  While off-balance from the shove and the changing events, Narvin didn’t even have to act, although he couldn’t stop himself from throwing a worried glance over his shoulder at the Count and Leela, with half the squad of Guards still on guard.  However, he couldn’t do anything, and so let himself be led.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On board the ship, tucked into the small cabin and ready to take a much-needed nap, Peylix stopped him from dropping into dreamland with a quiet question, “You’re not in love with me, are you?”  Narvin mutely shook his head, too tired to consider lying.  Peylix chuckled softly.  “Neither am I, but you’re nice company.  I actually have a partner, but she’s so blunt that, combined with my lack of social skills, nobody’d ever let us wed.  Plus she’s of no conceivable status, so it’s hard enough to let us meet, let alone get into enough trouble to wed.  I have a proposition for you: if we can’t get somebody to steal you in a month, would you be willing to fake a lab accident so we could get out?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin nodded, but hesitated.  “The woman I was with?  My old partner, who I thought dead.  She’d be the one coming for me, so if she’s not here by the time a month has passed, then we can assume something happened, but we can pick up a ride with her ship- if you’re willing to leave the country.”  A thought struck him.  “But we’d have to be careful, since the wedding is in a month!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pelix sat back.  “Yeah, let’s hope your friend gets here in time.  Now, really, go to sleep.  You’ve gotta work on the bags under your eyes so that when you go running off with your lady love, you don’t look like you got punched.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin smiled, laying down.  He was out like a light.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, Darkel was irritated.  She couldn’t find a good excuse to take the foolish girl into custody, even if all it would be for would be to take her revenge for the death of her friend.  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter Eleven: Waiting for a Wedding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Using Susan, Narvin and Leela kept in contact.  The </span>
  <em>
    <span>Revenge</span>
  </em>
  <span> needed to stock up on funds and supplies, but she’d be back a few days before the wedding, so they could get out.  Then Susan had started picking up messages from the former assassins, asking if they could come along.  Since the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Revenge </span>
  </em>
  <span> could always use a few more helping hands, nobody particularly cared.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Peylix made subtle arrangements for his lover, a stubborn redhead called Donna, to be picked up by the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Revenge</span>
  </em>
  <span>, only to find out that her mother had served there, and could easily get a ride.  So that was that taken care of.  However, he was finding a new way to slightly irritate his father: Narvin.  The two had taken to being as overly affectionate in public as they could be, without doing anything that would push up the wedding.  Sickly-sweet pet names, sitting on each other's laps, nuzzling noses, dozing off on each other during boring council meetings- although the last one was more of an irritation because he snored- or just flagrant violations of personal space.  Personally, he was thriving.  He was always a tactile person, but lab garb and a complete lack of social skills meant that he was struggling, but apparently, nobody got after their future King for cuddling his spouse at any and every opportunity.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin was- Narvin.  Still scarily efficient, and now turning his powers of paperwork against the court, preparing to hamstring it when they’d leave.  Peylix just tried to keep him sleeping regularly, trying to remove or lessen the bags under his eyes for the wedding- if things went wrong, or even if they went right, the ceremony would take place.  Darkel was getting more and more short-tempered, and he’d caught her fingering a dagger and eyeing Narvin’s exposed back several times.  Peylix wasn’t stupid, far from it, and had stayed away from Darkel for that reason- if she was truly smart, she’d get him on her side, and reap the benefits, but instead, she was buried in paperwork.  Of course, since royal weddings were a hassle, he was also buried, but it was all important.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Several weeks later, Leela carefully climbed through a window, pulling a large basket in after her.  She was in the semi-public section of the royal labs, and it was the day before the royal wedding.  Carefully, she started wandering around the pristine equipment, never touching anything, as she started a low series of calls for Narvin.  The lights weren’t on, but that meant little.  Many times before, she’d found Narvin working, hunched over some papers by the light of a single candle or a few beams of moonlight.  She had used to tease him that he’d need spectacles if he kept that up, then he’d roll his eyes, but then rest.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A creak rang throughout the room.  Leela whirled, only to find a shadowy figure leaning against one of the tables for finished but untested prototypes.  They stalked forwards, coming into the faint glow of the crystals dangling from the ceiling.  It was Count Darkel.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She continued stalking forwards, picking up one of the odd creations on her way.  It looked like a tube with a handhold, covered in fine runes, tubes of light, and fine bubbles of odd substances.  Carefully, Darkel raised it, pointing the end of the tube directly at Leela’s heart.  “You took away someone I cared about from me” she snarled, voice surprisingly wet for somebody who prided herself on a perfect mask.  “You and the Prince Consort.  I can’t harm him directly,” she growled fiercely, ready to lash out if only she could, “but I can harm you.  So know, that if you hadn’t killed her, you might’ve lived.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Leela could get a word out, she pushed a button on the handhold.  A beam of crackling white light burst out of the end, striking Leela in the chest.  She screamed, long and loud, then fell to the ground, limp.  Quickly, Darkel replaced the weapon, then rushed over to make sure she’d gotten it right.  There was no breath, not even when she pressed down hard on the ribs.  They slowly refilled, but not in the way that implied any will behind it.  No pulse beat in the neck.  Grinning quietly to herself, she quickly turned, locking up the labs behind her.  Revenge at last.  The only downside was that the crystal was too far gone for the life to be traded to bring back Pandora.  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So a word of warning, the next few chapters are going to be a bit shorter than some, but I'm officially finished writing the story.  Enjoy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 12: We Need a Miracle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Romana and Brax peeked around the corner, carefully creeping through a window into the labs.  On another occasion, they’d be walking through the front door, but secrecy was more important than status.  Both were concerned- Leela was supposed to make sure the door into the palace was locked, so people wouldn’t think to look there when they stole Peylix and Narvin tomorrow.  But Leela hadn’t reported back, and everyone had heard the screams from a few hours ago.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They split up, canvassing the mild disaster that was Peylix’s labs.  Apparently, Narvin had made it a major improvement.  If that was true, then Romana didn’t want to see it before.  Then her foot caught on something.  She looked down, then squeaked.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There, sprawled messily on the floor, was Leela’s corpse.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Brax found her a few moments later, wrapping her in a tight hug.  Once neither were panicking, they exchanged looks.  Brax broke the silence first.  “We need to get her to a Miracle Couple, and fast.  Do you know any in the area?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana winced.  “Just one, apparently the only other couple are incompetent.  But they’re-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Brax winced as well.  “How bad are the others?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana shook her head.  “They still believe in bloodletting and making people puke as a cure to all ills- even projectile vomiting.  That was a terrible visit, and I’ve never been so glad to be dismissed before the consultation.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>SIghing, Brax picked up Leela’s corpse and swung it over one shoulder.  “Then we’ll deal with them.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Half an hour’s walk later, the couple and the corpse knocked at the door of a small shack.  A small sliding panel slid open, and an irritated man glanced out.  He had dark hair, probably originally dark, but now stained many colors from experiments gone wrong, frizzing out and giving him a mad look.  The look was only helped by his stick-out ears and piercing glare.  “Whadda ya want?” he snapped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana stepped forwards first.  “We need a miracle.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The man, the Doctor, raised an eyebrow.  “No really, why?” he drawled.  “Why come to someone the King fired with prejudice?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana shrugged, leaning against the side of the door.  “Partly because the only other couple in the region still thinks bloodletting and purging are valid treatments, partly because the King is an idiot about this.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor shrugged.  “So why should I care?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Brax leaned down, looking through the doorway.  “Because if we manage to pull this off, then the King will be publicly humiliated, and the power of Pyrdon will be greatly diminished- with no Heir, no Consort, and the Lady Queen too old to produce another heir, they’ll have to be more careful to stay alive and stabilize their legacy.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor had frozen when he’d caught sight of Brax, and remained so throughout the whole explanation.  Then, all of a sudden, he unfroze, a blur of motion and energy as he unlocked the door.  “So that’s two excellent reasons!  Public humiliation, of course, is one of the noblest causes, so that’s a discount right there, and the other one should cover the rest- this is the captain you mentioned?”  At Brax’s nod, he continued.  “We can be ready to go by midnight if we aren’t working this, one if we are.  In exchange for bringing her back, we want passage.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Brax shrugged.  “It’s not mine to grant, but I’ll put in a good word for you two.  How’ve you been?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Two things happened at once.  First, a woman bustled up from below, cheerily greeting the two of them and informing her husband that the cellar was almost completely packed, only the last few bundles to go.  Second, the Doctor froze.  “How’ve you been?  HOW’VE YOU BEEN?”  He started pacing around the room, ranting.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s been ten years and the first thing you say, besides asking for my help, is ‘how’ve you been’?  We sent letters!  We sent care packages!  We kept sending out Susan to look for you!  And ten years, not a word, and you ask ‘how’ve you been?”  He seemed to come back to himself, all the excess energy that had been filling the room suddenly collapsing in and making him seem normal.  “Fairly fine, and you?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana was staring, confused.  “Is this normal?  And who is he?  I know in general, you’re the Doctor, and you’re supposed to have been able to cure a whole town in less than a day, but there’s obviously something else there!  And who’s she?  Why is she here?  And packing?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She would have said more, but Brax covered her mouth.  After she’d calmed down, giving him a sheepish look, he removed his hand.  “Patience, ‘Mana.  I do suppose that introductions have been delayed, though.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor stepped forwards.  “Indeed.  So, as you asked, I am indeed the Doctor, and while the story you mention had extenuating circumstances, I have spent many years pulling off more feats than I can remember.  The lovely woman over there,” she waved as he gestured, “is my wife, Rose.  She is more commonly known as the Bad Wolf.  And standing by you,” he gestured to Brax, “is my older brother, Irving.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana blinked twice, gaping.  Then she shook herself and seemed to come back from her amazement.  “So that’s why you were so cagey about your name.  Why Braxiatel, though?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shrugged.  “My middle name.  Anyways, Thete, this,” and he gestured to Romana, “is my wonderful heart Romana Trelundar, and this,” he pointed to the corpse still over his shoulder, “is Leela, the Dread Pirate Roberts, a friend, and your patient.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana looked ready to question the nickname, but the Doctor had thoroughly switched topics.  “Alright, lay her down on the worktable there.”  He gestured absently, and Brax laid Leela down.  “Rose, fetch the bellows cram, would you?  Thanks.”  Once he’d gotten the large set of bellows, he placed the end in her mouth, while Rose held it open and made sure her teeth wouldn’t be chipped or cracked.  As he began to pump the bellows, he started explaining.  “You see, I need to know what killed her in the general sense, so I know what kind of miracle to use.  Also, it never hurts to say hi and make sure she’s ready.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Brax blinked.  “But she’s dead” The </span>
  <em>
    <span>You idiot</span>
  </em>
  <span> was unspoken, but it clued Romana in to part of the reasons they hadn’t spoken in years.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor turned, raising an eyebrow.  “Nah, your friend here is only </span>
  <em>
    <span>mostly</span>
  </em>
  <span> dead.  And mostly dead is part alive.  If she was all dead, then there’d be only one thing we could do.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” asked Romana.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go through her pockets and look for loose change.” the Doctor declared.  Ignoring the somewhat shocked looks, he decided that there was enough air in her lungs, before knocking on her skull with her knuckles.  “Hello?  Hey, anyone alive in there?  How’d you die?”  He repeated the last question a few more times, before switching to pressing down on the breastbone.  Air began to be expelled through Leela’s mouth, and very, very faintly, they heard, “tube… lights… exp’r’m’nt”.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose gave him a worried look.  “You don’t think it was…?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor shook his head.  “They clearly didn’t find her there, and security has been beefed up a lot for the upcoming royal wedding.  It’s probably a misused experiment.  You up for that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose smiled, a twinkle coming into her eyes to match the one in the Doctor’s.  “Am I ever!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Brax took a healthy step back, tugging Romana with him as the two sprang into action.  They had known each other for a long time, that was clear, as they spun, rising on tiptoe and dipping low to gather materials and tools.  Leaves were mashed into paste, odd rock-like things were ground into powder, and Rose had a thing of chocolate melting in the corner of the stove.  Paste and powder mixed, old chants in tongues long forgotten were spoken in echoing voices, glowing eyes gazed down at their creation as fine wisps of golden light and power circled from Rose, through the Doctor, into the substance, then back out through the Doctor and returning to Rose.  Carefully, they kept up their mixing as the tempo of the words increased- then all of a sudden, it cut back down, slow and low, as Rose took the odd, slightly fuming ball that was the result of their miracle and coated it in the melted chocolate.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait fifteen minutes for full potency.  You’ll have an hour of alert mind and staggering body, then a crash such as at the end of a large fight,” explained the Doctor while Rose leaned back, a wet rag over her eyes.  “Adrenaline will extend the time awake, but after she passes out, let her sleep.  When she wakes up naturally, since she hadn’t fully cooled down, she’ll only be a bit sore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose stood, stumbling a little, but after downing an odd greenish-brown liquid, able to set the rag aside.  “We’ll be joining you on the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Revenge</span>
  </em>
  <span>, just need to finish packing.  We were only here out of old family ties, but Pyrdon isn’t going to be safe anymore.  You’d better make it, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Revenge</span>
  </em>
  <span> isn’t leaving without its Captain.  Good luck!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They saw the two and the corpse to the door, waving.  “Bye-bye kiddos, have fun storming the castle!” the Doctor exclaimed.  Once Romana and Brax were somewhat out of earshot, he asked, “You think they’ll make it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rose shrugged.  “It’d take a miracle, but you know as well as I do your family luck.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They both exchanged looks, then continued to wave cheerfully.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 13: Storming the Castle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>On a bridge in front of the castle, Brax and Romana attempted to wrangle a corpse into a sitting position.  Rigor mortis had not yet set in, so it was more a matter of wrangling completely limp limbs.  Carefully, they finally managed to get Leela sitting up, head tilted back against the wall.  “Has it been fifteen minutes yet?” asked Romana, quiet in a way she hadn’t been in ages.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Brax shrugged, taking out the little chocolate-covered miracle.  “If it hasn’t been, we don’t really have time to let it sit more.  But I think it has, so,” he gestured.  Romana carefully tipped Leela’s head back further, and pinched her mouth open.  Brax dropped the miracle in, then carefully rubbed at Leela’s throat until it had been swallowed.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Silence fell, the noise of the world around them suddenly much louder.  Finally Brax whispered, “How long do you think it’ll take?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela opened her eyes and whispered back, “This long.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Neither Brax nor Romana shrieked, although both of them jumped.  “So from the looks of you two, I’m guessing that plan A is out?” she asked.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Brax nodded, but Romana cut him off.  “Yep.  To sum up, since a lot happened: you were hit with something that killed you, we found your corpse and went to the local miracle couple who are apparently related to Brax, then brought you here to bring you back.  At this point, we probably can’t get to them before the wedding, but we need to try- except the labs are locked and guarded by sixty men.  We have the three of us, a wheelbarrow standing over there, and whatever else we have in our pockets.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela paused a moment, before a diabolical grin split her face.  “Well, the wedding is meant to take place twenty minutes after sunset, and sunset is,” she glanced up, “about fifteen minutes away.  Do either of you happen to have a holocaust cloak?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana reared back, whisper-yelling.  “A holocaust cloak?  A holocaust cloak!  Where in the Dark Vaults would we find a holocaust cloak?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She would have said more, except Brax cut her off, pulling out a large wad of vaguely black fabric.  “I have one right here- my sister-in-law gave it to me, since it fit so well, and it was ‘all going the same place anyways’, whatever that meant.  She’s lovely, but quite odd.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela grinned, the kind of smile that reminded the others that her people were known for being the best hunters in seventeen countries.  She pulled them in close to whisper her plan, which, by the end, had the others grinning quietly as well.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was sunset, and the guards were bored.  They’d been on shift for several hours already, and weren’t likely to be replaced for several more.  Why all this fuss for a wedding that didn’t even have too many dignitaries attending, none of them knew.  Andred, the Captain of the Chancellery Guard, shifted with them, shivering in the dark.  He knew he was supposed to be keeping them alert, but nobody really cared, and besides, it was cold and dark.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was odd, it wasn’t as dark as it had been.  Andred turned, only to freeze as he saw a shadowy figure gliding forwards.  The guards were shifting, and a few looked ready to bolt.  “Hold your ground!” he shouted.  “Hold your ground!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The figure continued gliding forwards, and when every guard was trembling, it began to speak, loud and chilling.  “I am the Dread Pirate Roberts.  There will be no survivors!”  The guards were shaking, trembling, as other crunching rustling noises echoed around them.  “My men are here!  I am here!  But soon you will not be here!”  A few guards were edging towards the forest, where they could escape the wrath of both the approaching pirate and the King when he’d heard their desertion.  Suddenly, the massive figure began to burn, self-immolating and yet remaining there.  “There will be no survivors!  All your worst nightmares are about to come true!  The Dread Pirate Roberts is here for your souls!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There were sixty of the Chancellery Guards, trained for years and some of the fiercest soldiers in the whole army.  Only Andred remained, and that was more to the fact that he’d been pushed over and had been unable to get back up.  He ran for the gate, making it through and triggering the portcullis to fall.  However, one of the figures, remarkably tall, caught the portcullis before it could lock in its slots, and managed to push it back up.  Two others joined them, surrounding Andred as he pressed back against the gate.  The shortest one snarled in his face, demanding, “Where is the gate key!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Andred paled, managing to squeak out, “I have no gate key!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The short one shrugged, gesturing to the tall one.  “Braxiatel, tear his arm off.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Andred was many things, but a fanatic to his King was not one of them.  “Oh, you mean this gate key?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The odd trio took the key, unlocked the gate, and hurried inside.  Andred leaned against the wall for a minute, catching his breath, before bolting towards the forest like the rest of his men. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 14: And Now, The Wedding- And Also A Sword-Fight, I Know What You're Really Here For</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Narvin and Peylix stood in front of the altar, with the pews of the chapel filled to bursting.  Behind them, the King and Queen stood to one side, while Count Darkel and the quiet, elderly Lord Librarian stood on the other.  The music swelled, then died off, as the clergyman turned to face them.  For a few seconds, the entire chapel was silent.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mawwaige,” the clergyman declared.  Narvin and Peylix exchanged looks, both supremely unexcited.  “Mawwaige is what brings us togeder today.  Mawwaige, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam…”  He continued speaking as faint screams echoed through the halls.  Distantly, the voice of Andred, the captain of the Chancellery Guard, could be heard.  “And wuv, twu wuv, will fowwow you foweva.”  The screams sharpened, something about ‘holding your ground’, and the King twitched a finger.  Count Darkel nodded to a few guardsmen, and headed out to deal with the threat.  “So tweasuwe your wuv.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Skip to the end” hissed the King.  He was impatient for something, but neither Narvin nor Peylix could figure out what it was.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you, the wing?” asked the clergyman.  The rings were produced, simple wedding bands of fine gold.  They were exchanged, and neatly slid onto the ring fingers of both men.  “Do you, Prince Peylix,” began the clergyman.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Man and spouse!  Say man and spouse!” snarled the King.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The clergyman was old, but not crazy.  “Man and spouse” he declared.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The King nodded to the Lord Librarian.  “Bring them to the honeymoon suite, make sure they have food, then lock the door.  I’ll deal with that later.”  Then he marched off, presumably to deal with the threat.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both Narvin and Peylix let out quiet sighs of relief, as the tradition they were most worried about had been skipped.  Quietly, they followed the elderly Lord Librarian to the large suite.  Peylix entered first, but Narvin hesitated.  Suddenly, he pecked the Lord Librarian on the cheek.  “What was that for?” he asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because you’ve been very kind, and because I likely won’t be seeing you again.” he replied, before hurrying into the suite.  Peylix was already preparing the large collection of knives, and Narvin joined him in packing the nonperishable food for transport.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, the three co-conspirators were heading through the halls, fairly lost.  They knew where they were, but had no idea where they were supposed to go.  The perils of running a backup plan that was fairly low on the list, but honestly, this was still going much better than they’d feared.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, a squad of Chancellery Guards ran down the hallway, Count Darkel at their head.  She eyed them up- Brax still slightly singed from where the cloak simply wasn’t enough, Leela not quite up to standing on her own power, and Romana twitching with suppressed rage.  “Kill the giant and the swordswoman, but leave the one in black for me.” Darkel ordered.  A few of the guards exchanged odd looks, as they were all in black, but shrugged and moved forwards.  Romana unsheathed her sword, and in a quick blur of moves, managed to disarm all four and send them sprawling.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello!  My name is Romana Trelundar.  You killed my mother.  Prepare to die!” she declared.  Darkel shifted into a ready stance, before suddenly turning and bolting.  Romana gave chase, only to be stopped by a locked door.  She screamed for Brax to help her, and he quickly hurried after her, leaving Leela to make it to the suite.  She rolled her eyes, then hurried as best she could to the honeymoon suite.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Brax returned, Leela was gone, so he picked a direction and went looking for their escape route.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana continued chasing Darkel, until finally, she managed to end up in a banquet storage room, and was met with a knife thrown into her gut.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 15: Now We're Getting to the Fun Bits!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Darkel stepped forwards, attempting to stab Romana in the heart, but she managed to bring her sword up, so she was only lightly stabbed in the shoulder.  Once more, she tried, but a combination of Romana’s sword and stepping back led the wound to the other shoulder.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana hit the wall, slumping back, but staying on her feet.  She mumbled something, but Darkel couldn’t catch it.  “Are you the Arcal brat I taught that lesson to, all those years ago?  Willing to kill me, over some pens?  And I thought you couldn’t get any more pathetic- spending so long chasing me, only to fail when you reach there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana growled faintly, pushing against the wall, one hand fisted against the stab wound- which wasn’t as bad as it had seemed, her many layers helping blunt the force of the dagger, but it was bleeding an awful lot.  “My name is.. Romana Trelundar… you killed my mother.  Prepare to die.”  She stepped forwards off the wall, and Darkel attacked- only to be deflected.  “Hello.  My name is Romana Trelundar.  You killed my mother.  Prepare to die.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Darkel attacked again, but Romana parried it, not even stumbling this time.  Faintly, Darkel could see wisps of gold from her fingers surround the gut wound, closing it, but she returned her focus to the approaching irritated swordswoman.  “Hello!  My name is Romana Trelundar!  You killed my mother, prepare to die!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop saying that” shrieked Darkel, now on the defensive.  She attacked, and was deflected.  Romana attacked in return, wounding her in both shoulders- just in the same place her own wounds were.  She stepped forwards once more, shouting.  “HELLO!  MY NAME IS ROMANA TRELUNDAR!  YOU KILLED MY MOTHER!  PREPARE TO DIE!”  She cornered Darkel, her sword clattering away into a dusty corner.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana had her sword leveled near Darkel’s face.  “Offer me money.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes” Darkel gasped, as Romana left a slash across one side of her neck.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Power too, promise me that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All that I have and more,” Darkel said, paling with the gleaming sword-point now slashing the other side of her neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Offer me anything I ask for.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anything you want,” Darkel promised.  Anything to keep herself alive, and it would put the foolish brat in her power.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Romana’s eyes went hard, and Darkel knew she’d made a mistake.  “I want my mother back, you b*tch.”  And Romana ran Darkel through, shoving her corpse back where it hit the table, before falling to the floor.  Romana left, stumbling slightly, to find Leela and the boys.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, in the honeymoon suite, Leela and Narvin had reunited, and Peylix was ready to start chucking their supplies out the window.  Leela was sprawled on the bed, catching her breath, while Narvin was undoing the cording at the edge of the bed curtains.  They were smiling cheesily at each other, when somebody walked into the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Much as I’d like to think that the little one who was promised to my son would be faithful, it would be foolish to assume so,” drawled Rassilon, the High King of Pyrdon.  “But it doesn’t matter, as after I kill him, I can kill her, claim assassins, and Peylix will keep his mouth shut out of grief while I teach him that Pyrdon is what matters most.  Now,” he declared, turning to Leela, who had a sword laying neatly next to her, “to the death.  It wouldn’t do to have no signs of struggle, anyways, and it would be a shame to simply stab an undefended woman.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Leela snarled, furious that this man could ever call himself a father, “to the pain.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rassilon was taken aback.  “I don’t think I’m quite familiar with that phrase,” he mused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela shrugged, sitting up a bit more on the pillows.  “I’ll explain, and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rassilon raised an eyebrow, still staying remarkably even-tempered, although an eye was beginning to twitch.  “That may be the first time in my life someone has dared to insult me to my face.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Narvin coughed, quietly, and was joined by Peylix.  The words, ‘but not behind your back’ were hidden poorly in the coughs, but were left mostly unnoticed.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela continued.  “It won’t be the last.  To the pain means that the first thing you lose will be feet below the ankles.  Then your hands above the wrists.  Next, your nose.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rassilon shifted, shrugging his cape back.  “And then my tongue, I suppose.  You died too quickly the last time, a mistake I don’t intend to duplicate tonight.”  He eyed her quickly, a gleam in his eye that had Peylix and Narvin shuffling quietly towards the box of knives.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t finished” snapped Leela.  “The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And then my ears, I understand, let’s get on with it!” Rassilon had finally begun to lose his temper.  Peylix and Narvin each had a long, sharp knife ready to be drawn, and Peylix was eying a solid-looking stool.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“WRONG!” exclaimed Leela.  “</span>
  <span> Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, ‘Dear God! What is that thing,’ will echo in your perfect ears. That is what ‘to the pain means.’ It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.  You will never escape the standards you yourself set up, and you will never find someone willing to let you produce an heir again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rassilon was taken aback by the fury and the detail of her suggestions, but attempted to regain control.  “I think you’re bluffing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leela shrugged, shifting slightly.  “It’s possible, pig, I might be bluffing.  It’s conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I’m only lying here because I lack the strength to stand.  But then again,” she paused, swinging her legs to the side, “it’s possible that I do have that strength after all.”  She raised her sword neatly, unshakingly, to point directly at Rassilon’s heart.  “Now: Drop. Your. Sword!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sword fell out of Rassilon’s grasp, to clatter on the floor.  Peylix quickly grabbed it, tossing it into the mostly empty wardrobe.  Narvin gestured to the chair, and, stunned and shaking, Rassilon sat.  He neatly bound him, the cords irritating but above the long sleeves so that they could not draw blood and allow him to free himself.  Circling the captured King carefully, Narvin allowed a smug smirk to cross his lips.  “And do you know what the best part of this is, my liege?  The best part is that you’re in the Honeymoon Suite.  Nobody will think anything of your screams, and much of the time, few come here except to slip new food in when the screams have died down.  You aren’t getting out here with your dignity or reputation intact, and it’s all your own fault for thinking murder is a good idea.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, the three conspirators heard a voice from below calling, “Hey!  I found some horses, so will you quit being dramatic and come down!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Peylix laughed, and offered a hand to Leela to jump first.  She did, and Brax, standing below, neatly caught her and placed her on one of the horses.  Narvin and Peylix threw down the baskets they’d prepared, which were strapped to the horses, then jumped down after her.  Romana was already ready, albeit slumped over a horse after the leftover miracle had done its magic.  Soon, the others mounted and they rode off to the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Revenge</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Epilouge: So Where'd They End Up?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>After they’d all made it to the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Revenge</span>
  </em>
  <span>, they sailed to a new home.  Brax and Romana made it back to the Braxiatel Collection, one of the prides of Patrex.  They would have been Narvin and Leela’s employers, and were willing to hire them after they’d proven capable of arranging their own abductions.  Narvin was happy organizing the files and records, and lawsuits against the Collection became known as futile.  Leela was a feared guard, coordinating security to the point that few thieves even dared to step in, let alone actually steal something.  Romana didn’t work with the Collection as much, but continued her role, helping keep the government answerable to the people and as fair as it could be.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Miracle Couple, Rose and the Doctor, set up nicely, and even started teaching again.  Although their last apprentice had been turned into a falcon, they were still enjoying the time as teachers.  The </span>
  <em>
    <span>Revenge</span>
  </em>
  <span> flourished under Ace, and when she retired, she passed the mantle onto a spunky young girl by the name of Amelia.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Peylix and Donna ended up being the first couple to marry, settling down in their own fun, quiet life- Donna worked with the worker’s union, and Peylix kept experimenting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All in all, they lived as happily ever after as was feasible in the real world.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The End.”  Jack finished.  The kiddos were lying there, content and sleepy.  He smiled at them, and stood to let them get some rest.  “Now, I’ll be back tomorrow with another story.  Hope you feel better soon, kidlings.” he said, quietly leaving as the kids fell asleep.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sarah Jane gave him a hug, grateful that he’d entertained them for so long.  He winked, then left, ready to face the wrath of those whose stories he’d stolen for the children’s book.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What's this?  A double update?</p><p>And now, we've come to the end of this story.  Hope you enjoyed it!  </p><p>Leave a comment or a kudo and tell me what you think!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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